Have you ever feel ; 21 Jul 2013 @ 8:45 pm { 0 fellows }

       Have you guys ever feel that your bestfriends abandoned you. Have you ever feel that your bestfriends talking bad behind you or in front of you. Feels like your heart being clenched, right? Yeah, i'm used to feel like that too. But i don't like call to call my close my friends as 'bestfriends', because they don't know what's behind me, they don't know what's in my view. They don't know my heart. They only know my outside. Sometimes i told them my sorrowful story that i never ever told to my family. But after i told them, they seems like didn't care. They didn't care if you are hurt, they didn't care if your heart is dead, they didn't care if you grab a knife and stab into your stomach. They didn't care at all. All they care is only your smile, your happiness. Can you describe it how painful my feelings is? When you tried to cry in silent on the public, they didn't even realize. They only realize when you started to sobbed so hard until your head is spinning around, confusing; why are you here, why are you exist, why are you suppose to friend with them.

I know you guys had a complicated feelings, right? Every single person that stepped on this earth beneath their feet had a complicated feelings. When you are in love, and you saw someone you used to love pass by you, you shocked. Your heart beats fast. Really fast - because you are in complicated feelings even though you already fall in love with someone else. You just realize, your love still stuck and can't leave until someone comes and helps to leave it. You hoped for it. You already dig it into your heart. But someone won't come at all. You tired of waiting, you tired of everything; friends, lovers, even yourself. You let the tears fall down onto your cheeks that had been trapped behind your eyes for years, you let the pain out that had been trapped in your heart, you screamed as loud as you can because there is a demon inside you.

Every night, you lay on the bed, before you close your eyes, you took your phone together with your earphones, you put your earphones in both ears. You listened to musics. Because musics describe your life very perfect. Every words. But wake up stupid, musics won't change you; it only describe. It is only describe your life. Accept it. Sleep, because sleeping with musics will make your brain damage. But in reality, you still sleeping musics because of depression. Music is your bestfriend. Even though it can't talk to you, but it describe your life. Yeah, i've done it numerous time. You can't help but cry with your bestfriend; music. Yeah, i cried too. When i was lonely, when i was disappointed, when i was dead and else.

You have eyebags under your eyes, because the dramas you had won't stop showing in your mind, won't stop, ever. You even got headache, even went to the hospital because the headache will always happen even more worse than yesterday. You tired, that's why you want to die. That's why you can live on this earth anymore, that's why. Needless to say, there are many reasons why are you so depressed. All i can say, you lied. You lied because you don't want the honest of you to be shown that easily by public. You keep your innocent-ness. You keep everything because you don't want to be hate by everyone. You fear that so much. Your feet is cold, your hands are trembling, your eyes full of tears. Admit it, that's you. That's you.

But you're afraid, you're so weak, never wanting to confess your pain to someone, because people are monster to you.

Hey guys, i know it's been almost a year i've been hiatus-ing. And actually guys, i'm still on hiatus but i can't help but to write something on here. I changed template, how is it? Cool, or is it just still the same? Heh, but actually this blog is under construction. I'm too lazy to private it because i re-code everything and rearrange everything in two days. It was pretty hard, though. Please don't make your template as same as me if you put 'inspiration: huda' okay, wow, no. I don't like it. There's up to 20+ plain white blog and i combine it together. It's very hard, i know i sound like stupid enough, but you know, copycats are freaking everywhere and you just can't even guess them. So, better you warn it at the first place. Wait, did you guys to read this until the end? Never mind.

By the way, my ex-crush just moved into my place. I should feel happy but instead i feel empty. Really empty inside. I always look at him, but i never caught him looking at me. I know he has a girlfriend, but whenever i look at him, i always wanted be beside him, i want to marry him; because he is matured, well-looking, mannered but sometimes stupid. I like that kind of personality. I feel really jealous when he already has a girlfriend even though my feeling for him 3 years ago. I never felt hurt, but my heart beats really fast. He is just too much for me. I just can't.

By the way guys, korang semua sedar tak yang kita dah masuk bulan Ramadhan. Cepatkan masa berlalu? Ustaz pernah kata, kalau masa itu emas; emas itu kalau hilang boleh cari yang lain atau cari sampai dapatkan? Tapi kalau masa dah berlalu boleh ke kita nak patah balik? Tak bolehkan? Jadi, masa itu bukan emas. Masa itu lebih dari emas. Lebih istimewa dari emas. Tak kiralah 1 saat ke, 1 minit ke, 1 jam ke, masa itu masa. Kan best kalau kita membuangkan masa kita dengan membinakan tiang agama kita sendiri? Tapi malangnya, asyik runtuh je. Bina, runtuh, bina, runtuh. Bukan nak kata manusia kena jadi sempurna, tapi kita sebagai hamba Allah, kenalah mengikut perintah-Nya.

Salam Ramadhan buat semua orang yang tersayang.

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